Question: I have a problem and can’t figure out how to solve it. My boyfriend, who I truly believe is my soulmate, has been feeling depressed for the past year. He has lost sight of who he is, and in the process, I lost myself too. All we’ve been doing lately is just lazing around watching TV, which is so not like us, we’re usually up to all sorts of fun stuff. About a week ago he broke up with me, saying he wasn’t in love anymore, but still hoped we could remain friends. Deep down, I believe that if we rediscover ourselves, we’ll find our way back to each other. But how do you hold on to faith when everyone else says you should move on? And how do you stay true to yourself and keep your spirits up? Reading LOA guides has made me feel a little better, but I’ve been trying to believe in us for so long that sometimes, the fear just overtakes me.

Reply: The discomfort you are feeling right now stems from believing something that you, on a higher level, know is false. You believe that your chance to experience profound and amazing love hinges on what your boyfriend chooses to do. The relief you are seeking comes when you change that belief. The faith you should hold on to is that everything goes well for you and will continue to go well even in the future.

Here’s how the Law of Attraction works

The Law of Attraction MUST pair you up with things that vibrate at the same frequency as you and filter out what doesn’t match your vibration. This law has no exceptions.

Let’s say you know a person with ten distinct character traits, of which you despise nine and love one. If you manage to ignore the nine you dislike and only focus on that one trait you enjoy, that person can’t be anything other than nice in your presence. This is because the Law of Attraction won’t bring you together when he behaves differently than you expect. So, when you meet, he is just as wonderful as you believe him to be – the rest stays out of your experience.

Here’s an example: one of your acquaintances is someone who mostly feels insecure and resentful towards his surroundings. He tends to spew out nastiness, destroy others’ property, and break his promises. You, on the other hand, are a laid-back and optimistic person, and you haven’t cultivated the habit of dwelling on things that make you uncomfortable.

You and your acquaintance won’t meet very often, but when you do, he’ll behave in line with the frequency you’re tuned into! The Law of Attraction can only bring you together when your frequencies match. The only way for you to meet this person more often is to lower your vibration to his level – at the expense of both your relationship with each other and your relationship with yourself.

Here’s what happened in your case: your boyfriend started feeling bad. Naturally, that made you long for a relationship where your partner is feeling good. Given that in his current state, your boyfriend doesn’t fit the description of such a partner, according to the Law of Attraction, he had to exit your life. When you yourself are feeling good, you only match with people vibrating at the same high frequency.

But… when you noticed him drifting away from you, you began to resist (based on the mistaken belief that you depend on this person). By resisting, you yourself became a non-matching component to your vision of a thriving relationship. So now, both of you are feeling down, meaning neither of you can access the kind of life you desire.

Don’t ask the Law of Attraction to force a square peg into a round hole

The Law of Attraction can provide the perfect experience of everything you want. It does this by assembling components that match the vibration of the experience – not by modifying any of the countless components that exist in the universe.

So, the Law of Attraction can’t change your guy’s vibrational frequency. Nor can it change yours – meaning that right now, you can’t be grouped with the ideas, circumstances, people, and experiences that your desire consists of. You are not compatible.

Does this mean the relationship can’t be saved?

“Rediscovering ourselves will lead to finding each other” is a perfect way to put it. The problem is, you don’t have control over your ex’s thoughts and therefore can’t decide if and when he finds himself. There’s nothing wrong with your desire for a wonderful romantic relationship with a soulmate, but let’s rephrase it a bit so the details don’t trip you up:

You want a partner who is as much a soulmate to themselves as you are a soulmate to yourself. When both of you are in harmony with your respective souls, you can effortlessly celebrate your love for life together and experience the feeling of also being each other’s soulmates.

In theory, you can influence (inspire) your ex to see life from a brighter perspective, but in practice, it usually doesn’t work out so well because the very intention constitutes resistance to your purpose. The idea of trying to change him is rooted in the belief that your happiness hinges on whether he’s doing well or not and whether he loves you or not. As long as you maintain this belief, you’ll feel down yourself.

Every time you try to force someone else to change their course, you deprive yourself of the life experience you mistakenly believe you need to convince that person to give you. Your sole responsibility is to find yourself, meaning your good mood, and recognize that the path to everything you desire lies within.

The Law of Attraction will pair you up with your ex if it’s possible, but it won’t violate his free will. If the guy continues to resonate at the same low frequency as now, LOA will introduce another element that naturally aligns with the experience you’re seeking.

The point is, you always have access to love, freedom, and joy – if you manage to let go of micromanaging the details and allow the Law of Attraction to deliver the components necessary to fulfill your desires. And that you yourself, by raising your vibrational level, become a matching component to that experience. Stay in love, for no other reason than because it’s who you are. Love is your natural state of being.

I hope this response sheds some light on the situation and inspires happier thoughts. 🙂